The Caring Game

Ever notice how a lot of the things we say we dont like we end up doing? For example testing people. Everyone hates being tested...usually if they fail, because thats when they find out it was a test, and feel they were taken by surprise.

Since every human knows what other people expect they could easily pass any test as long as they know they are being tested, via studying. "Testing" people may not be a written exam but it is an important one. Usually they are being tested for a reason, maybe the one issuing the test doesnt even know it till half way through, or until the other fails as well.

But why do we do it? I would say it happens when we're hurt. We want to see what the person who "cares" about us will do to prove that they care. This is where people get offended; they care but didnt want to address the situation they way you wanted. However, it all seems like common sense, to me at least:
If you care about someone you would as whats wrong, and what you can do to help; or if you know you did something wrong, do everything in your power to make it right. How difficult is that???

Not very, but oddly enough it's how alot of friends are lost.
Lost for a reason? Maybe.

Then we should ask, if they knew it was a test would they have passed? Would that still be worth the friendship? In most cases yes.

But there is a point where you have to decide who is worth it, when you've had enough of pretending and want to see the truth. At this point you just want who wants to be in your life, not those 1,352 friends on facebook who half you dont know, and of that half you only maybe talk to 200 (Thats being generous). Of those 200, who would actually care if your cat died, or if your boyfriend cheated on you?

You reach the point where you want the pretenders out, and you want only those in your life who care as much about you as you do about them.

It's All In Your Head

So with entering college and having to buy my books online so they are cheaper, I started to become very frustrated mainly because there were some mess ups when ordering the book. (I did get them, that wasnt the problem).

Now these mess-ups made me start to think about how stable our world really is. Nowadays, everything is over the Internet or backed up on a hard drive. Businesses rely on their computers to carry most of the work load that they have, and if they do have paper copies the filing system probably isnt up to par. Now what happens when all that information that the business has gets hacked? Or what happens if the computers crash, the whole system? Everyone that is connected to that business gets the short end of the stick. Now think of that on a mass scale...the whole world crashes. (This wasnt where i was going with this post, let me back track).

...The data in the computers is made up. Its only real because we say it is, sure we can see the numbers and words, but those numbers and words only mean anything because we give them meaning. Now I understand that they have had the same meaning for hundreds of years, but what would have happened if we went a different way? If we didnt listen to the Egyptians and their concept of Zero? And we gathered a whole new foundation for math, or reading, or science. Im sure there could have been a different way to express numbers, and what if the way humanity chose wasnt the right way.

We have hundreds of movies about technology that we as humans have not yet invented. Well if we have had the imagination to make up these gadgets (light sabers, telaporters, hover cars), why is it taking so long to get there? I know we have the technology and with time we will eventually get there, but im saying maybe there was a faster way or maybe our mathematical system is skewed and we will never get there.

What I am trying to convey is that we put so much value to things that only mean something because we decided they did, things that cant be grasped in our hands..(sure we can make cut-outs of numbers but thats still holding the material not the actual number). Now someone might say well you can hold money. Well money isnt a number. Its a paper/metal with a picture assigned to represent the numbers or the amount it is worth.

Its all in our heads.

Lessons on Forgiveness

So, it amazes me how cruel and inconsistent people can be, even when encountering someone who has been nothing but supportive and kind. How do these people view themselves? Do they think that they are right to completely shut someone out? Or do they simply not care and want to keep themselves happy believing whatever it is that they believe?

It is when you are shut out that you really wonder how well they knew you...or respected you for that matter. You ask yourself things like...why do I deserve this? What did I do?

Sometimes those people will have the decency to tell you with out being asked...some you will ask and get not reason, and finally the cases where you dont ask and you dont get an answer. In the rare cases that you do get a reason, then the person actually has some respect for you.

Then you gotta figure out how to deal with it. Do you act like a complete jerk to them too? Do you forgive them? Do you simply ponder what to do and never actually deal with it until so much time goes by you just forget or ignore them? I think all of these things happen...it just depends on how long you spend in each step that defines your relationship....1st comes the pondering..then jerk attitude...and finally forgiveness. Some people wont get past the 1st or 2nd and will just continue to be mean towards the one who did them wrong...And some will just forgive the wrong because it's in their nature.

Really, forgiveness is the only way to go. Why not forgive people? If anything forgiving someone will make them feel like a jerk...and actually feel bad for what they did. But thats not why you should forgive someone. You do it to relieve yourself. If you forgive it's getting that anger off your shoulders, it's giving you a clear conscience about the situation, so if there was any doubt about the situation and whose fault it was to begin with; by giving your forgiveness you're basically saying, "I dont care about what happened with us, I just want things to go back to how they were."

Then the ball is in the other persons court.

~Caitlin

Desire Vs. Right

Throughout life we are given choices. Where do i go? Who do i  hang out with? What do i do? In the end there are usually two choices..sometimes more. How do you make that decision? Listen to your parents? Your friends? or Yourself?

Usually parents will offer the "this is what you should do/what we want u to do" option. They have more experience and usually want what is best for you.

Your friends will want you to do what they are doing, or what they would do. Sometimes they give good advice.

In the end no matter who you consult, YOU will make the decision!! And you'll have to live with it....so, do you do what you want to do or what you should do. I've been thinking about what would happen if we all did what we wanted (with in reason of course...no illegal stuff)? Would we be happy? Would we regret it? Would we become better people for it?
And on the other hand what would happen if we always did what we should? Regrets seem inevitable. Probably wouldn't be happy about it right then and there, but in the long-run maybe...but does the chance of happiness replace the guarantee of happiness with the chance of being sad afterwards? Will we grow as people?

Usually people have a good balance of these types of choices. And its up to you to decide if what you desire overcomes what is right. You weigh the pros and cons. You ask for advice. You ask yourself which would be harder to live with.

Is my desire...the right thing?

~Caitlin

To Makeup or Not To Makeup?

So I've been thinking. I don't wear makeup on a regular basis. Hardly ever, actully only on special occasions. Then it occured to me; "why would i want to wear makeup everyday?" Then you don't look special.

What sounds better? "Are you wearing make up? You look so pretty today." or...
"You look different today..." when you arent wearing makeup?

Everyone knows that when you deside not to wear makeup one day and people notice, they don't notice the natural beauty they, notice the absence of beauty.

This is why girls under 16 SHOULDN'T wear makeup. Guys will expect their looks to always be amazing. How can someone ever grow to love somone else if they have never seen their real face.

What to Post!?

I am fully aware that I have created a new blog, to represent a change in my life, but…it’s not working. I try to think about things to write about, but nothing seem important enough or suits the initial intention of this blog.
tumblr has soooo many tools to utilize also, and i feel like it’s a shame that I haven’t been posting…I just need to think of those things that matter, that people don’t think about that often. (This could be why this process hasn’t been working.) I need to open my mind…i need inspiration!

~Caitlin

updated: i decided to go with blogger for this. it makes things easier..sooo bye tumblr!

The Inspiration

This blog title comes from one of my favorite authors, Daniel Quinn. Way back in tenth grade my AP World teacher had us read a book called “Ishmael.” This book really changed the way I thought about a lot of things, but mainly the affect humans have on the environment; even if you don’t care about the environment you can’t deny that sometime in the future (whether it be 50, 100, or 1000 years from now) our civilization will crash, because we are “pedaling too hard” with out a means of stopping.

Anyway, after reading “Ishmael”, I became interested in the writings of Daniel Quinn and did some research on his books. One of them being “If They Give You Lined Paper Write Sideways,” and that’s what I hope to accomplish through this blog: giving my opinion and hoping someone agrees with me. ;)

It will also be an attempt to improve my level of thinking and writing.

~Caitlin